Janet… The Beginning

Most of you have heard my story pertaining to how Janet Jackson has impacted my life. For those of you who don’t know, OKAY HERE WE GO, (pun). When I was four years old, someone whom I trusted violated me. Soon after, that person fell asleep and I eased out of the bed. I tip toed my way into the living room, where our television set was. I turned it on hoping that I would find something to make me laugh away the pain, but I was in awe at what I seen. American Bandstand was on and there was this beautiful young lady, with a smile that would light up a dark room, (as it did the hole that was placed in my heart). Another thing that stood out to me was her boots and her earrings. She was having such a great time holding the mic, singing and dancing. I turned the volume up and I immediately started to smile on the inside, which then led to me jumping up and down. I tuned into the words and I heard her singing “Young Love.” It was as if God was giving me back a piece of my innocence in that moment. Of course I was only four, so I had no idea what the song really meant at the time, but I understood the words, “Young Love,” so in my innocent mind, it was God’s way of saying I’d be okay. In that very hour, I became a full-fledged fan of this young lady, after all, she was my personal angel. I didn’t even know her name family. I just knew when she popped up on television, I stopped whatever I was doing and kept my eyes glued to the set. When I heard “Young Love” on the radio, I would tell whoever I was with to turn it up.
One day, I saw this same young lady, as a kid on “Good Times.” I remember searching for that show everyday. I still didn’t know her name. One afternoon my oldest brother came home from school and I was watching “Good Times.” He said “Hey lil sister, what you watching?” I said, I’m watching “Penny”, he laughed and said, that’s not Penny, that’s “Good Times.” I said “NO, I’m watching Penny.” He laughed harder and said, “Girl that’s Janet Jackson.” You should have seen the look on my face to finally put a name to her face. And so it truly began…
I asked him so many questions about her, but I never told him why I loved “Penny.” He happily obliged my questions, which I can only imagine was silly to him. Although I stumbled across Janet on my own, several family members would tell me bits of information about her. They let me know that she was the youngest of the Jackson kids. I was already a fan of The Jacksons, because I’ve always had a passion for music and you guys know that was some good music.
As I got older, I grew very angry. I was carrying that secret around with me, while still being in the presence of the person that molested me. I vowed that I would not be hurt #Again, so I became angry instead. With all of that anger came a lot of aggression. The only time I was calm was when I was listening to Janet or watching her on television. If I thought for one second that you were attempting to do me harm, whether it be verbal, mental, emotional, or physical, I would immediately attack you. I’m not proud of it, but I was extremely violent, but only if I felt you were going to harm me.
I grew as Janet grew. By the time her breakthrough album “Control” came out in 1986, I was only eight years old. I was very mature for my age, because I had to be. My mom worked a lot and my brothers was being teenagers. I didn’t #Trust anyone anymore, so I looked after myself. With God as my head and Janet as my guide, I knew I would be #Alright.
By this time, my mom knew the level of love I had for Janet. If she saw anything Janet, she would buy it for me. When Rhythm Nation 1814 came out, I was eleven years old and on a path to destruction. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, and experimenting with drugs. The thing is, nobody in my family even knew, but Janet did. I remember sitting in my bedroom trying to figure out what was my purpose, or even if I had any. At that point I just felt like I was occupying space, so not existing seemed easier. Don’t get me wrong family, I had a good life by all intents and purposes, but that secret tore me down. I had people around me that loved me, yet I was so alone. I had the best of everything, yet I wasn’t happy. I was truly hurting and I was angry because no one picked up on it. But God…
On September 19, 1989, my mom gave me the best gift she could have ever given me. As I set on that floor staring at the end, my mom came straight home from work, which was rare, and just bust through my door. Me being the angry kid I was, I looked at her with a death stare. She pulled that cassette tape out and my world got brighter. Once #Again, it was as if God Himself had stepped into the building. I couldn’t get up fast enough to hug my mom and tell her thanks. I put that cassette on and just played it from beginning to end. It was as if God was holding a complete conversation with me, through my personal angel.
Those of you who know me, know that I love to write, among other things. I would always write songs, poems, short stories, etc. When I was listening to RN 1814, I truly felt like Janet and I were of kindred spirits. In my mind, she was already my sister in my head, so with the message of that masterpiece it just solidified it for me.
I can go on and on about my journey with Janet, but I think I’ve held you long enough. Fast forwarding to 2016, you can only imagine the impact the Janet’s had on, in, and through my life. I am no longer a violent girl, without purpose, but rather a calm, centered woman with a cause. I show love to everyone, and that’s #BecauseOfLove. I now unlock my #VelvetRope and let people into my space. When I look in the mirror, the #You I see, I’m now able to embrace. I want everyone to feel #Special, because to me you are. #GetSum, be #Unbreakable, we all can shine like stars.
That #JanFam is just a taste of how Janet Jackson has impacted my life. The fact that I’ve met some of the best people in the world is a bonus. I never thought I would have an outlet to share my #Luv for Janet, with like minded individuals. Honestly, you guys are the only ones that can pull certain things out of me, concerning my life. Janet did that for me and I truly thank her for that. #LetsKeepTheConversationGoing, until we get to #TheGreatForever…. #Plush

2 thoughts on “Janet… The Beginning

  • October 20, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Brought me to tears !

  • October 20, 2016 at 3:54 am



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